Woman Grieving Her Dad's Death Says Her Unemployed Partner Called Her ‘Selfish’ for Expecting Him to Cook

Woman Grieving Her Dad's Death Says Her Unemployed Partner Called Her ‘Selfish’ for Expecting Him to Cook https://ift.tt/Qad4tEV

While juggling grief, work and family responsibilities, one woman found herself alone after her partner accused her of being “selfish” for expecting help

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NEED TO KNOW

• After her father’s death, a woman on Reddit said her partner complained about “having” to cook dinner while she worked full-time and handled two estates
• She tried to open up about her grief, but he became defensive and accused her of being “mean” and “selfish”
• The woman left to stay in a motel, questioning if she was wrong for wanting her unsupportive partner to move out

A woman turned to the Reddit community for support following the death of her father and a heartbreaking conflict with her significant other.

After moving back to her home state nearly a year ago, she shared that she had been working full-time in a demanding job she loved. “Unfortunately, [my significant other] has been unemployed for over a year, applying for only about 15 jobs in that time,” she wrote.

The loss of her stepmother months earlier had already taken a toll. She described having to drive to another state to handle what she called “a Grey Gardens-type situation,” cleaning and managing affairs while trying to balance her new job. “I thought that was the most traumatic thing I’d have to do this year,” she admitted.

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But only a few weeks later, tragedy struck again. Her father was hospitalized, and despite her efforts to spend time with him while managing her job, he was released against the family’s wishes. “The day after my dad was released from the hospital against family wishes, he died. I came over to make him soup and found he had passed,” she revealed.

In the wake of her father’s death, she said her partner’s support was inconsistent and, at times, hurtful. “My SO has largely been supportive but he’s repeatedly been irritated that he ‘has’ to make dinner weeknights,” she wrote, explaining that she was not only grieving but also handling two estates without wills.

The woman said she gently reminded him how insensitive his complaints about cooking were, especially given everything she was juggling. “I made all dinners for our family while working full time and being the primary caregiver for our son for 12 years,” she noted. When she tried to bring this up, her partner became defensive and shut down emotionally.

According to her, this pattern wasn’t new, and they'd almost divorced four years prior over it. “It’s what’s always kept me from being honest with him,” she said, adding that she tried for days to get him to open up. “I acknowledged how he must be hurting too. I thanked him for everything he did around the house,” she wrote.

But even those efforts didn’t seem to reach him.

“After a day of needing to report my dad’s death to creditors and my son at dinner cutting me off... they both snapped at me and shut me out,” she said.

Feeling overwhelmed, she decided to take a walk to clear her head. When she returned, she was able to talk calmly with her son, and they apologized to each other. “When I tried the same with SO, he was immediately cold and defensive,” she said.

She recounted that no matter what she said, he denied her version of events and accused her of being unkind. When she asked him to express his own feelings instead of just contradicting hers, he snapped, saying, “That’s so f----- up to put pressure on me.”

Her grief and confusion deepened as she tried to understand his reaction. “I pointed out I was crying and mourning and asked why he was so cold. He asked why I didn’t care he had to make dinner,” she recalled.

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Following the incident, she revealed that she decided to leave the house. “I’m in a hotel now,” she said, emphasizing that she wasn’t seeking drama but simply space to breathe. “He is not someone to EVER go after anyone, so it’s not for drama,” she clarified.

She continued to question herself as she described all she had done to keep their family functioning. “Being told that I’m selfish because when I cook on weekends it’s ‘just pasta’… am I insane?” she asked. “Did I, today, finally yell that it would be cool if my SO applied to more jobs? And get a therapist per our agreement when we decided to not divorce?”

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By the end of her post, she confessed that she was alone in a motel room, drinking wine out of a plastic cup and trying to make sense of it all. “Because all I want is to make the people I love feel loved, but now I just feel insane and alone,” she wrote.

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The responses from Reddit users were overwhelmingly supportive. One commenter wrote, “He’s been unemployed for a year and complains about having to cook. Then he should get a dang job and pay for dinner instead.”

Another told her, “You seem like a very good woman and you deserve much better than what you have. You’re much better off alone than with someone weighing you down.”